from Toronto, Canada


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Hi

Yes, I know. I have been absent for a long time . I wonder if anyone is still reading my blog anymore? Life for me has been... well, sometimes so amazing I don't even notice myself smiling from ear to ear, other times so horrible that it makes me panic, and I am always lost in a cloud of jumbled insignificant memories whenever I try to look back.

I've been working at the same place since I graduated from school, and I really don't have much to complain about my job. I've also started taking a liberal arts course at my university for personal interest. The prof is very engaging and I've enjoyed each lecture despite the excessive amount of readings. Some of my not-so-happy moments are associated with the feeling that I want to do so much more with my life, and sometimes those things seem quite unattainable. I feel very alone in this because I think I am the only variable in the equation. Other times I am baffled by my relationship with my boyfriend. As time goes by, I am growing more and more attached and dependent on him, to the point where I don't know if I can make it without him. Probably not. Yet I have occasional doubts about whether he's the one and whether our relationship has a strong enough foundation to support us for a lifetime. It's a very baffling, conflicting feeling. Today I went to a friend's wedding and seeing the picture-perfect couple look into each other's eyes so happily only amplified my feelings of doubt in comparison. I wonder if everyone experiences such moments of uncertainty or does this signify a problematic relationship?

What I really want to say is, if you are reading this, save me. Somehow. Perhaps just a word or two can turn things around?

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